By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Stephanie_Marchison]Stephanie Marchison
Are you looking for the best electric breast pump that you can trust to extract the milk that your baby needs when you can't breastfeed? There are numerous makes and models available for sale on the market today, but which one is the right one for you?
There are several considerations you need to keep in mind when you go shopping for breast pumps that run on batteries or power from an outlet. First of all, if you will only be using it infrequently, consider renting one. A heavy-duty pump that's designed for use in hospitals can be rented from lactation specialists, medical centers, and medical supply stores.
Many new mothers may find themselves in circumstances where they will be unable to breastfeed during certain times of the day -- perhaps they will be re-entering the workforce, or maybe they gave birth prematurely and can't breastfeed their babies yet. For these and other women in similar circumstances, a mid-weight electric breastfeeding pump is a convenient solution. Most models are light enough to carry around yet powerful enough to extract milk in a short amount of time.
Some electronic breast pump devices come with two pumps that enable the mother to pump both breasts simultaneously. This is an enormous time-saver, making pumping milk twice as fast compared to using a model with just one pump.
Here are some electric pump qualities that the best products share:
- They have mechanisms that prevent the milk from backing up into the pumps.
- They are easily cleaned.
- They don't contain bisphenol A (BPA), a polycarbonate plastic component that many believe to be harmful to health.
- The speed of pumping and suction intensity functions are adjustable.
- They are quick and easy to set up and put away.
- They have powerful and durable motors.
- They don't make a racket while being used.
Several brands offer a number of extras in their electric pump packages. Some are equipped with a built-in battery pack, which is great if you find yourself in a place without a power outlet. Some models include feeding bottles, nipple ointment, and labels -- all of which fit nicely in an accompanying storage or carrying case.
Non-manual pumps are available at various price points. Take a look at the features of the products you are considering and see whether they have what you want and need.
Another great way to acquire more information is to read buyer-written reviews. They are very useful resources since you'll learn about a product's pros and cons from the perspective of those who have bought and used it.
Do you want to know which [http://best3reviews.com/552/top-3-best-electric-breast-pumps-2011-consumer-reviews-and-ratings]electric breast pumps have the best reviews and highest ratings among consumers like you and me? Visit us at http://www.best3reviews.com to find out!
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Electric-Breast-Pump-Buyers-Guide&id=6548620] Electric Breast Pump Buyer's Guide
Friday, January 13, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Engorged Breasts
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Dr_Ang_C._D.]Dr Ang C. D.
Between the third to sixth day, you will find that your breasts start to feel a lot fuller than they did when you first started breastfeeding on the first day. This is when your breast milk starts coming in. This is also a sign that your baby is breastfeeding well enough to establish a good supply of milk. It is quite normal for your breasts to feel full before a feed and you will also be able to feel your baby drain the milk from your breasts as she feeds. Your breasts should feel significantly softer at the end of the feed.
When your milk first comes in, it is not uncommon for your breasts to be slightly engorged as your body adjusts to the demands of your little one. However, you would want to be vigilant at this time and be careful to empty your breasts well in order to prevent your breasts from becoming painfully engorged. If your baby is not drinking enough to empty your breasts, it is advisable to pump out the excess to prevent blocked ducts and severe engorgement. You will know that you are engorged if your breasts are hard, tight and extremely sensitive to touch. Emptying your breasts can also be a challenge if your breasts are very engorged. It is advisable to take a warm shower or to use a warm pack and massage your breasts prior to nursing or pumping to encourage the flow of milk.
If you detect the early signs of engorgement, it can quite easily be arrested with gently massaging and regular emptying of the breast whether by nursing your baby or using a breast pump. If your baby is an efficient suckler, she would be able to do the job better than any breast pump available in the market. So I would advise that you always start by nursing your baby and pump out the excess when she has had enough. In pumping, one should also not get carried away by pumping too much, always remembering that your supply of milk is triggered by the demand, therefore the more you pump, the more you are likely to produce. In cases where the mother is producing a lot more milk than the baby requires, it could be a sign that she is pumping too much and this might actually potentially make the engorgement worse. In such cases, one would do well to pump just enough to prevent the ducts from getting blocked and let the supply adjust to your baby's needs. At this stage, you would also want to look out for redness in the skin (a possible sign of early mastitis) and to seek medical advice if the infection progresses.
It is important to wear a well fitted bra, making sure that your breasts are well supported and that the bra does not compress any part of your breast. If you breasts feel sore and sensitive, you might want to place a cold pack (wrapped in a towel) on or around your breasts to ease the swelling and the pain. Some women prefer placing cabbage leaves (kept cool in the refrigerator) on their breasts. This is an easy and economical remedy which works for some women. Whether it be a cold pack or cold cabbage leaves, this should be done after a feed and not before a feed as you do not want the coolness to inhibit the let-down reflex.
If you do not have a breast pump on hand, you can always express milk by hand. This can also be particularly useful if you are targeting specific blocked ducts which sometimes cannot be drained by using the regular breast pump. It also helps to apply a warm compress over the hard (and blocked) area for a few minutes before gently massage the area and expressing by hand. Sometimes a gentle massage with a warm compress is all that is needed to get the milk flowing and the duct cleared. Be patient and you will find the area soften as you massage and always be gentle when expressing if you do not want to end up feeling sore and painful. You can also ask your spouse to help massage the tender areas. This can be very relaxing and therapeutic for you and can also give your spouse the opportunity to support you in breastfeeding. Such are important moments for you to bond with your spouse during a time of change, apprehension and anxiety.
Dr Ang C.D. has been in medical practice for over 12 years. He graduated with an M.B.B.S. degree from the National University of Singapore in 1997 and subsequently completed his post-graduate diploma in Family Medicine. He has had training in Emergency Medicine, Internal Medicine, Geriatric Medicine, Orthopaedic Surgery, Obstetrics & Gynaecology, Neurosurgery, General Surgery, Colorectal Surgery and Urology. Dr Ang currently practices in a family clinic in Singapore, seeing a good mix of paediatric, adult and geriatric patients. With the goal of providing local and international patients with a resource for specialist care in Singapore, Dr Ang has founded SingaporeDoc.com, the most comprehensive Online Directory to date, of Specialists in Private Practice in Singapore. SingaporeDoc also includes a Health Forum and Health Guide. http://www.singaporedoc.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Engorged-Breasts&id=6549994] Engorged Breasts
Between the third to sixth day, you will find that your breasts start to feel a lot fuller than they did when you first started breastfeeding on the first day. This is when your breast milk starts coming in. This is also a sign that your baby is breastfeeding well enough to establish a good supply of milk. It is quite normal for your breasts to feel full before a feed and you will also be able to feel your baby drain the milk from your breasts as she feeds. Your breasts should feel significantly softer at the end of the feed.
When your milk first comes in, it is not uncommon for your breasts to be slightly engorged as your body adjusts to the demands of your little one. However, you would want to be vigilant at this time and be careful to empty your breasts well in order to prevent your breasts from becoming painfully engorged. If your baby is not drinking enough to empty your breasts, it is advisable to pump out the excess to prevent blocked ducts and severe engorgement. You will know that you are engorged if your breasts are hard, tight and extremely sensitive to touch. Emptying your breasts can also be a challenge if your breasts are very engorged. It is advisable to take a warm shower or to use a warm pack and massage your breasts prior to nursing or pumping to encourage the flow of milk.
If you detect the early signs of engorgement, it can quite easily be arrested with gently massaging and regular emptying of the breast whether by nursing your baby or using a breast pump. If your baby is an efficient suckler, she would be able to do the job better than any breast pump available in the market. So I would advise that you always start by nursing your baby and pump out the excess when she has had enough. In pumping, one should also not get carried away by pumping too much, always remembering that your supply of milk is triggered by the demand, therefore the more you pump, the more you are likely to produce. In cases where the mother is producing a lot more milk than the baby requires, it could be a sign that she is pumping too much and this might actually potentially make the engorgement worse. In such cases, one would do well to pump just enough to prevent the ducts from getting blocked and let the supply adjust to your baby's needs. At this stage, you would also want to look out for redness in the skin (a possible sign of early mastitis) and to seek medical advice if the infection progresses.
It is important to wear a well fitted bra, making sure that your breasts are well supported and that the bra does not compress any part of your breast. If you breasts feel sore and sensitive, you might want to place a cold pack (wrapped in a towel) on or around your breasts to ease the swelling and the pain. Some women prefer placing cabbage leaves (kept cool in the refrigerator) on their breasts. This is an easy and economical remedy which works for some women. Whether it be a cold pack or cold cabbage leaves, this should be done after a feed and not before a feed as you do not want the coolness to inhibit the let-down reflex.
If you do not have a breast pump on hand, you can always express milk by hand. This can also be particularly useful if you are targeting specific blocked ducts which sometimes cannot be drained by using the regular breast pump. It also helps to apply a warm compress over the hard (and blocked) area for a few minutes before gently massage the area and expressing by hand. Sometimes a gentle massage with a warm compress is all that is needed to get the milk flowing and the duct cleared. Be patient and you will find the area soften as you massage and always be gentle when expressing if you do not want to end up feeling sore and painful. You can also ask your spouse to help massage the tender areas. This can be very relaxing and therapeutic for you and can also give your spouse the opportunity to support you in breastfeeding. Such are important moments for you to bond with your spouse during a time of change, apprehension and anxiety.
Dr Ang C.D. has been in medical practice for over 12 years. He graduated with an M.B.B.S. degree from the National University of Singapore in 1997 and subsequently completed his post-graduate diploma in Family Medicine. He has had training in Emergency Medicine, Internal Medicine, Geriatric Medicine, Orthopaedic Surgery, Obstetrics & Gynaecology, Neurosurgery, General Surgery, Colorectal Surgery and Urology. Dr Ang currently practices in a family clinic in Singapore, seeing a good mix of paediatric, adult and geriatric patients. With the goal of providing local and international patients with a resource for specialist care in Singapore, Dr Ang has founded SingaporeDoc.com, the most comprehensive Online Directory to date, of Specialists in Private Practice in Singapore. SingaporeDoc also includes a Health Forum and Health Guide. http://www.singaporedoc.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Engorged-Breasts&id=6549994] Engorged Breasts
Monday, January 9, 2012
4 Strategies For The Mom Entrepreneur
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Katarzyna_Greco]Katarzyna Greco
If you're a mom entrepreneur you know what it is like to have a burning desire to be creative, accomplish goals, and make money doing it. Most of you had jobs and careers before starting a family and you're yearning to get back into the mix. Some of you want to start a career for the first time. Either way, you want to do something challenging, yet still have the time to keep your family as your main focus.
The best way to kick-start your work at home career is to find proven strategies for the mom entrepreneur. 4 strategies to get you going starting your business are: having the right mindset and support, finding what is suitable for you the mom, evaluating your past experiences, and taking a look at your current interests and daily habits. If you take action with these strategies you will start down the road of entrepreneurial success.
1) Mindset and Support. Having the right positive beliefs and the right support system can make or break the start of your business. You need to be properly motivated and ready to face challenges. Passion is the key and so is persistence. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will your business. But days add up, and before you know it, you'll be successful. You can't do it alone, so having your spouse and a few trusty friends and family members to support you will really help keep you on track, and keep your priorities in order. A life or business coach, especially moms who have start their own businesses, is a great idea for those who need someone to show it can be done.
2) What Suits You. Finding what suits your strengths and skills is the first step on the road of business success. Whatever talents, experiences, and abilities you have, use them. It doesn't matter if you have previous experience in business with those things because everyone starts fresh at some point in their careers. Find some people like a friend or a business coach to help you realize strengths you may not know you have. After you discover where your talents lay, take action, and believe, and you will find success.
3) Your experience. Look back at the jobs you've had in the past, or if you had a career before a family, remember the goals you had then. Think about the things you have done, learned and experienced. You can start your own home based business in a field you've already been involved in. Experience matters, and while you can find success in niches unfamiliar to you, it's always best to 'write about you know' or do what you know. Think hard about your experiences, and you may just find your next career path, one you can do at home while raising a family.
4) Your daily tasks and interests could become gold. What you do day to day from child care to baking to crafts to photography can become a new career. Whatever you do a lot, and do well, consider for a potential home based business. Even if you're not sure where to go with your skill, hobby or talent, you can find others who are ready and willing to work with you. Research various freelance opportunities that exist online. You can find communities and business opportunities in just about every type of interest that's out there. If you're a writer, a blogger, a forum poster, etc, you can find plenty of work opportunity. You can be an affiliate, and market already made products and services, in any niche. In fact, most home based opportunities online are affiliate based. Simply Google freelance work and you'll find opportunities. You can also find sites that list Freelance jobs, and sites that list Affiliate Marketing as well. Search for the site ClickBank and you can find plenty of opportunities.
No matter your experience or what type of work you'd like to do, there are plenty of opportunities to start you career at home. You can be a mom entrepreneur too. Simply have the right mindset and support, find what suits you, remember what you're good at, and look at your daily life to find new inspiration. Get a mom coach too and get started today.
Since 2008 Dr. Kasia Greco has been helping corporate moms with a family work from home with their own successful businesses. Dr. Greco holds a BBA "cum laudem" in International Business Administration with a Major in Marketing and a Minor in Economics. Kasia has 2 kids and left the corporate world to spend more time with her family, and discovered that with the right mindset she could accomplish both her family dreams and her career dreams. Visit moms-u-can.com to get free training from Kasia on how to follow in her footsteps. Get more great training by visiting this link: [http://www.moms-u-can.com]Mom Entrepreneur.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?4-Strategies-For-The-Mom-Entrepreneur&id=6556464] 4 Strategies For The Mom Entrepreneur
If you're a mom entrepreneur you know what it is like to have a burning desire to be creative, accomplish goals, and make money doing it. Most of you had jobs and careers before starting a family and you're yearning to get back into the mix. Some of you want to start a career for the first time. Either way, you want to do something challenging, yet still have the time to keep your family as your main focus.
The best way to kick-start your work at home career is to find proven strategies for the mom entrepreneur. 4 strategies to get you going starting your business are: having the right mindset and support, finding what is suitable for you the mom, evaluating your past experiences, and taking a look at your current interests and daily habits. If you take action with these strategies you will start down the road of entrepreneurial success.
1) Mindset and Support. Having the right positive beliefs and the right support system can make or break the start of your business. You need to be properly motivated and ready to face challenges. Passion is the key and so is persistence. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will your business. But days add up, and before you know it, you'll be successful. You can't do it alone, so having your spouse and a few trusty friends and family members to support you will really help keep you on track, and keep your priorities in order. A life or business coach, especially moms who have start their own businesses, is a great idea for those who need someone to show it can be done.
2) What Suits You. Finding what suits your strengths and skills is the first step on the road of business success. Whatever talents, experiences, and abilities you have, use them. It doesn't matter if you have previous experience in business with those things because everyone starts fresh at some point in their careers. Find some people like a friend or a business coach to help you realize strengths you may not know you have. After you discover where your talents lay, take action, and believe, and you will find success.
3) Your experience. Look back at the jobs you've had in the past, or if you had a career before a family, remember the goals you had then. Think about the things you have done, learned and experienced. You can start your own home based business in a field you've already been involved in. Experience matters, and while you can find success in niches unfamiliar to you, it's always best to 'write about you know' or do what you know. Think hard about your experiences, and you may just find your next career path, one you can do at home while raising a family.
4) Your daily tasks and interests could become gold. What you do day to day from child care to baking to crafts to photography can become a new career. Whatever you do a lot, and do well, consider for a potential home based business. Even if you're not sure where to go with your skill, hobby or talent, you can find others who are ready and willing to work with you. Research various freelance opportunities that exist online. You can find communities and business opportunities in just about every type of interest that's out there. If you're a writer, a blogger, a forum poster, etc, you can find plenty of work opportunity. You can be an affiliate, and market already made products and services, in any niche. In fact, most home based opportunities online are affiliate based. Simply Google freelance work and you'll find opportunities. You can also find sites that list Freelance jobs, and sites that list Affiliate Marketing as well. Search for the site ClickBank and you can find plenty of opportunities.
No matter your experience or what type of work you'd like to do, there are plenty of opportunities to start you career at home. You can be a mom entrepreneur too. Simply have the right mindset and support, find what suits you, remember what you're good at, and look at your daily life to find new inspiration. Get a mom coach too and get started today.
Since 2008 Dr. Kasia Greco has been helping corporate moms with a family work from home with their own successful businesses. Dr. Greco holds a BBA "cum laudem" in International Business Administration with a Major in Marketing and a Minor in Economics. Kasia has 2 kids and left the corporate world to spend more time with her family, and discovered that with the right mindset she could accomplish both her family dreams and her career dreams. Visit moms-u-can.com to get free training from Kasia on how to follow in her footsteps. Get more great training by visiting this link: [http://www.moms-u-can.com]Mom Entrepreneur.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?4-Strategies-For-The-Mom-Entrepreneur&id=6556464] 4 Strategies For The Mom Entrepreneur
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Why Do Mums Feel Guilty?
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Emma_MacDonald]Emma MacDonald
As a Mum and as a wife I always feel I could do better. I reflect at the end of the day and think I should have been more patient with the children, I should have spent more time playing with the children, I should have cleaned more around the house. However I work 3 days a week, I do not spend a lot of time sitting around watching TV, I do clean, tidy, cook and wash and I do play and read with the children. I feel that most of the time I am doing so many things that nothing is actually done properly! It is because of this when I asked my husband to describe me using one word he said a frog (because I leap from one thing to another). I am sure that I am not the only parent to feel like this so what can we do:
1. Do Not Be So Hard on Yourself
Something at the end of the day has got to give, but what. I strive to be a good Mum, I do not want to live in a messy, dirty house and I need to work to pay the bills. The most logical answer would be to stop beating myself up and thinking about what I should have done but this is easier said.
2. Address One Thing At a Time
Is there a particular guilt that you feel you can do something about? One of my biggest guilt's was that I did not spend much quality time with my son. Whilst he is at nursery or at the football I get some one on one time with my daughter to play, read and sing songs. There was no time during the week that I got to spend time with my son on my own. I found that when I did things with my son he had to share this time with his sister. Now with help from my husband he takes our daughter for a couple of hours to spend time with her and I use this time to do something with my son. His choice this week was painting and sticking. We normally do arts and crafts, but this was different as I was able to give my son all of my attention, which is considerably less when his younger sister is around.
3. Ask For Help
I can find this hard. If Lived near my Mum my children would be whisked away so that I could catch up on housework and also spend some time with just my husband. I also believe that if we had the spare cash, money on a cleaner would also be money well spent. We ask for help through my husbands Aunt who is a fantastic help and my husband and I do get out without the children regularly. We also call on my father in law and his partner to help out. This help is just to help our relationship as after nearly splitting up we realised how important having time together was.
4. Be Thankful For What You Have Got
I sometimes lose focus and have to remind myself of all the things I am thankful for and all I have achieved. I do not think there is anything wrong in wanting more, in fact I think it is a good thing as it gives you drive to succeed. However there is no point in getting stressed about things that we can not change.
I am happy with the path my life is taking and being a married Mum was always my top goal in life. I now want to make a success of being a Mum, a wife and of being Me. However I still reflect and I still feel guilt. Perhaps this will always be the case and I have a sneaky suspicion that this may increase the older my children get.
What are your thoughts? Do you reflect? Do you feel guilt? How do you overcome the feeling that I could do better?
My website offers advice and tips on everyday parenting with product and children's book reviews. http://thegoodparentguide.com
You can follow me on twitter @GoodParentGuide
I also have a Facebook page called
The Good Parent Guide [http://www.facebook.com/#!/thegoodparentguide]http://www.facebook.com/#!/thegoodparentguide
Please like the page if you would like to keep updated on future articles and post that I do.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Why-Do-Mums-Feel-Guilty?&id=6553790] Why Do Mums Feel Guilty?
As a Mum and as a wife I always feel I could do better. I reflect at the end of the day and think I should have been more patient with the children, I should have spent more time playing with the children, I should have cleaned more around the house. However I work 3 days a week, I do not spend a lot of time sitting around watching TV, I do clean, tidy, cook and wash and I do play and read with the children. I feel that most of the time I am doing so many things that nothing is actually done properly! It is because of this when I asked my husband to describe me using one word he said a frog (because I leap from one thing to another). I am sure that I am not the only parent to feel like this so what can we do:
1. Do Not Be So Hard on Yourself
Something at the end of the day has got to give, but what. I strive to be a good Mum, I do not want to live in a messy, dirty house and I need to work to pay the bills. The most logical answer would be to stop beating myself up and thinking about what I should have done but this is easier said.
2. Address One Thing At a Time
Is there a particular guilt that you feel you can do something about? One of my biggest guilt's was that I did not spend much quality time with my son. Whilst he is at nursery or at the football I get some one on one time with my daughter to play, read and sing songs. There was no time during the week that I got to spend time with my son on my own. I found that when I did things with my son he had to share this time with his sister. Now with help from my husband he takes our daughter for a couple of hours to spend time with her and I use this time to do something with my son. His choice this week was painting and sticking. We normally do arts and crafts, but this was different as I was able to give my son all of my attention, which is considerably less when his younger sister is around.
3. Ask For Help
I can find this hard. If Lived near my Mum my children would be whisked away so that I could catch up on housework and also spend some time with just my husband. I also believe that if we had the spare cash, money on a cleaner would also be money well spent. We ask for help through my husbands Aunt who is a fantastic help and my husband and I do get out without the children regularly. We also call on my father in law and his partner to help out. This help is just to help our relationship as after nearly splitting up we realised how important having time together was.
4. Be Thankful For What You Have Got
I sometimes lose focus and have to remind myself of all the things I am thankful for and all I have achieved. I do not think there is anything wrong in wanting more, in fact I think it is a good thing as it gives you drive to succeed. However there is no point in getting stressed about things that we can not change.
I am happy with the path my life is taking and being a married Mum was always my top goal in life. I now want to make a success of being a Mum, a wife and of being Me. However I still reflect and I still feel guilt. Perhaps this will always be the case and I have a sneaky suspicion that this may increase the older my children get.
What are your thoughts? Do you reflect? Do you feel guilt? How do you overcome the feeling that I could do better?
My website offers advice and tips on everyday parenting with product and children's book reviews. http://thegoodparentguide.com
You can follow me on twitter @GoodParentGuide
I also have a Facebook page called
The Good Parent Guide [http://www.facebook.com/#!/thegoodparentguide]http://www.facebook.com/#!/thegoodparentguide
Please like the page if you would like to keep updated on future articles and post that I do.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Why-Do-Mums-Feel-Guilty?&id=6553790] Why Do Mums Feel Guilty?
Thursday, January 5, 2012
The Unaffectionate Mother
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Bernadette_Greene]Bernadette Greene
Almost every mother I know had heard about the Tiger Mom book and hated it. Not that any of them had read it, or so they claimed, but it was a best seller so somebody must have bought it. What surprises me is how many mothers compare me to the Tiger Mom--and it's not exactly a compliment. Personally, I think most parents today are over-indulgent and under disciplined with their kids. While I haven't gone to some of the "extremes" Tiger Mom claims, most of the time I was agreeable or at least sympathetic to know she handled a situation.
My 6 year-old daughter gets Saturday morning cartoons. She had to spend thirty minutes to an hour everyday this summer reading and spelling. She was quite literally forced to learn how to ride her bike without training wheels and is still, after two months of lessons, trying to learn how to float, never mind actually swimming. I take her and the six year-old neighbor boy to the pool every day. His family just wants him to have fun. They are oldest kids still stuck in level two. My daughter gets chastised for not paying attention to the lifeguard; he is praised just for putting his face in the water. Not surprisingly "John" is much more enthusiastic about swim class than my daughter. She complains that it's too much work and too little fun, while I beat my head against the wall in frustration. It's not that I want her to be an Olympian, but for safety reasons alone I want her to at least be able to swim. My family and friends all insist that she'll learn eventually.
My husband (a true non-disciplinarian) pointed out (after yet another mommy-daughter disagreement about reading)that he never read books in the summer yet he learned how to read. I bite my tongue in anger. Yes, I'm sure she will eventually learn how to read, but my forcing her is actually my way of trying to impart a valuable life lesson: life isn't a party, its work. There are things we don't like and don't want to do, but we have to do. When she finishes a book she is giddy with excitement and tells everyone what she can do. I want her to appreciate that feeling of conquering a difficult task, of knowing she accomplished something. And of course there is the discipline factor. I'm the toughest boss she'll ever have. She's going to have to learn to work for and with people who annoy, anger and yell at her. I want her to be tough, independent and confident that if she can handle mom, she can handle anything.
I try to hug more and order less--it does not come natural to me. My husband, however, cannot resist spontaneous hugs throughout the day. They are always playing games of tickle, rock, paper, scissors and making silly faces at each other. He's the fun parent; she sits on his lap, they snuggle and watch cartoons together and color pictures. That's a good thing and I do recognize that she needs the fun stuff in her life. But it is always mom whose approval she seeks; it is mom's eyes she first meets when coming into a room. In her defiant moods she will try to stare me down, sometimes lasting two minutes before her head lowers in submission. Some people think I am trying to take away her fighting spirit--I'm not. But life is a jungle and right now she is in my jungle and I'm the biggest lion. Her willingness to test and to challenge me inspires pride and respect from me even as I repeatedly demonstrate my dominance.
Not everyone views my daughter's and my relationship in a positive way and there is no doubt that sometimes she probable wishes she'd been adopted by a different mommy. But she loves me fiercely, as I do her. My hugs, smiles and nods of approval may be few, but they are meaningful. Someday, she'll understand. I look forward to the moment when I can hold her adult hand in mine and she can stroke my gnarled fingers and say, "Mom, you were tough but fair. You made me into the hard-working, thoughtful, insightful and honest woman that I am proud to be. Thank you." And with tears in my eyes, I will smile and give her a hug. A really long one.
The Author is an only child and is now mom to her only child, adopted four years ago from China. Through a combination of old-school, Chinese and modern parenting, the mom demonstrates her deep but often unapparent love for her daughter and discusses why she parents in this style and the benefits she hopes her daughter will eventually gain from being raised to be hardworking, self-sufficient, mentally tough, adventurous, confident and most of all, happy and content.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Unaffectionate-Mother&id=6558474] The Unaffectionate Mother
Almost every mother I know had heard about the Tiger Mom book and hated it. Not that any of them had read it, or so they claimed, but it was a best seller so somebody must have bought it. What surprises me is how many mothers compare me to the Tiger Mom--and it's not exactly a compliment. Personally, I think most parents today are over-indulgent and under disciplined with their kids. While I haven't gone to some of the "extremes" Tiger Mom claims, most of the time I was agreeable or at least sympathetic to know she handled a situation.
My 6 year-old daughter gets Saturday morning cartoons. She had to spend thirty minutes to an hour everyday this summer reading and spelling. She was quite literally forced to learn how to ride her bike without training wheels and is still, after two months of lessons, trying to learn how to float, never mind actually swimming. I take her and the six year-old neighbor boy to the pool every day. His family just wants him to have fun. They are oldest kids still stuck in level two. My daughter gets chastised for not paying attention to the lifeguard; he is praised just for putting his face in the water. Not surprisingly "John" is much more enthusiastic about swim class than my daughter. She complains that it's too much work and too little fun, while I beat my head against the wall in frustration. It's not that I want her to be an Olympian, but for safety reasons alone I want her to at least be able to swim. My family and friends all insist that she'll learn eventually.
My husband (a true non-disciplinarian) pointed out (after yet another mommy-daughter disagreement about reading)that he never read books in the summer yet he learned how to read. I bite my tongue in anger. Yes, I'm sure she will eventually learn how to read, but my forcing her is actually my way of trying to impart a valuable life lesson: life isn't a party, its work. There are things we don't like and don't want to do, but we have to do. When she finishes a book she is giddy with excitement and tells everyone what she can do. I want her to appreciate that feeling of conquering a difficult task, of knowing she accomplished something. And of course there is the discipline factor. I'm the toughest boss she'll ever have. She's going to have to learn to work for and with people who annoy, anger and yell at her. I want her to be tough, independent and confident that if she can handle mom, she can handle anything.
I try to hug more and order less--it does not come natural to me. My husband, however, cannot resist spontaneous hugs throughout the day. They are always playing games of tickle, rock, paper, scissors and making silly faces at each other. He's the fun parent; she sits on his lap, they snuggle and watch cartoons together and color pictures. That's a good thing and I do recognize that she needs the fun stuff in her life. But it is always mom whose approval she seeks; it is mom's eyes she first meets when coming into a room. In her defiant moods she will try to stare me down, sometimes lasting two minutes before her head lowers in submission. Some people think I am trying to take away her fighting spirit--I'm not. But life is a jungle and right now she is in my jungle and I'm the biggest lion. Her willingness to test and to challenge me inspires pride and respect from me even as I repeatedly demonstrate my dominance.
Not everyone views my daughter's and my relationship in a positive way and there is no doubt that sometimes she probable wishes she'd been adopted by a different mommy. But she loves me fiercely, as I do her. My hugs, smiles and nods of approval may be few, but they are meaningful. Someday, she'll understand. I look forward to the moment when I can hold her adult hand in mine and she can stroke my gnarled fingers and say, "Mom, you were tough but fair. You made me into the hard-working, thoughtful, insightful and honest woman that I am proud to be. Thank you." And with tears in my eyes, I will smile and give her a hug. A really long one.
The Author is an only child and is now mom to her only child, adopted four years ago from China. Through a combination of old-school, Chinese and modern parenting, the mom demonstrates her deep but often unapparent love for her daughter and discusses why she parents in this style and the benefits she hopes her daughter will eventually gain from being raised to be hardworking, self-sufficient, mentally tough, adventurous, confident and most of all, happy and content.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Unaffectionate-Mother&id=6558474] The Unaffectionate Mother
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Escaping My Life
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Charlotte_Williams_Jackson]Charlotte Williams Jackson
As I sit here with my hands folded, I am refusing to be the kind and supportive mother and wife I have always been. That is how I feel today! Quite honestly? Lately, most days have felt that way.
So when my days feel overwhelming, over scheduled, and under appreciated, I shut down. Do I continue to function? Yes. I still cook, clean, wash, dry, fold, drop off and pick up.
But as I move in auto pilot, I am no longer connected to my children or my husband. Or not like I should.
I have conversations that revert to simple " yes "and " no " answers because I am not listening. I revert to deep sighs in moments of frustration instead of teaching my children and husband how to treat me in those moments.
There was a time when I have felt significant guilt about "auto pilot". I can't say I am proud of it, but I am aware of it.
Dr.Phil moment: "You can't fix what you don't acknowledge."
For a long time I did not realize I was so "glossed" over and "glassy eyed" in certain moments of life. So the realization is a huge accomplishment.
I am not perfect and my goal is to have less auto pilot moments and to really be " in the moment" of life. The task at hand is to find the proper coping skills, right?
That really is the purpose is to learn, to understand, and to grow. I will have a few bad days but that is okay. Right?
Having the bad days, as I stated earlier, is not the issue. But not knowing I am having a bad day and insisting that "I am fine" ( as I often do...clearing my throat) is the problem.
I now have to, with a deep breath, admit when I AM NOT FINE.
Ultimately, it is MY fault if I don't admit I am tired, scared, frustrated, or need a moment alone.
The blame falls on me for not being open, honest, and vulnerable enough to say what I need.
Once I say what I feel, I can then ask for what I need. I can't get on a plane and run away when I need time away. After talking to my friends, I realize I am not alone. We mothers can do a few practical things such as:
1. Breathe - Many times women, especially me, become so focused on finishing a task (or a lingering project ). We don't stop to take a few minutes to appreciate the projects we have completed. Taking 15 or 20 mins. to just gain a little perspective and " pat yourself on the back" for all you do.
2. Talk to our children about "mommy" time. I call it a time out. When I had small children, my time-out were during nap time. Now, I take a few minutes out of the day to have a healthy, well-rounded lunch and read a small passage from a book/magazine. This is my time... mommy time.... and my children know it.
3. Say No! Say no to projects, committees and people. If I don't have the time or energy, I don't force it.Recently, I pushed back from over commitment and over scheduling. You should try it.You won't regret it.
4. Plan a Girl's Nite out/Couple's Nite Out. We need to make us a priority. That means go out and laugh and dance.The best advice I have ever gotten was from an older mother. She said" If you don't take care of you then who will?"
I am Charlotte Williams-Jackson! I am a stay-at-home wife/mother with four great children ranging from ages 19 to 9 years old and an awesome hubby.
I write a blog called Life with Charlotte! I talk about the mistakes and failures I have endured and incorporate that into practical everyday parenting.
Website: http://www.lifewithchar.com/
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Escaping-My-Life&id=6561219] Escaping My Life
As I sit here with my hands folded, I am refusing to be the kind and supportive mother and wife I have always been. That is how I feel today! Quite honestly? Lately, most days have felt that way.
So when my days feel overwhelming, over scheduled, and under appreciated, I shut down. Do I continue to function? Yes. I still cook, clean, wash, dry, fold, drop off and pick up.
But as I move in auto pilot, I am no longer connected to my children or my husband. Or not like I should.
I have conversations that revert to simple " yes "and " no " answers because I am not listening. I revert to deep sighs in moments of frustration instead of teaching my children and husband how to treat me in those moments.
There was a time when I have felt significant guilt about "auto pilot". I can't say I am proud of it, but I am aware of it.
Dr.Phil moment: "You can't fix what you don't acknowledge."
For a long time I did not realize I was so "glossed" over and "glassy eyed" in certain moments of life. So the realization is a huge accomplishment.
I am not perfect and my goal is to have less auto pilot moments and to really be " in the moment" of life. The task at hand is to find the proper coping skills, right?
That really is the purpose is to learn, to understand, and to grow. I will have a few bad days but that is okay. Right?
Having the bad days, as I stated earlier, is not the issue. But not knowing I am having a bad day and insisting that "I am fine" ( as I often do...clearing my throat) is the problem.
I now have to, with a deep breath, admit when I AM NOT FINE.
Ultimately, it is MY fault if I don't admit I am tired, scared, frustrated, or need a moment alone.
The blame falls on me for not being open, honest, and vulnerable enough to say what I need.
Once I say what I feel, I can then ask for what I need. I can't get on a plane and run away when I need time away. After talking to my friends, I realize I am not alone. We mothers can do a few practical things such as:
1. Breathe - Many times women, especially me, become so focused on finishing a task (or a lingering project ). We don't stop to take a few minutes to appreciate the projects we have completed. Taking 15 or 20 mins. to just gain a little perspective and " pat yourself on the back" for all you do.
2. Talk to our children about "mommy" time. I call it a time out. When I had small children, my time-out were during nap time. Now, I take a few minutes out of the day to have a healthy, well-rounded lunch and read a small passage from a book/magazine. This is my time... mommy time.... and my children know it.
3. Say No! Say no to projects, committees and people. If I don't have the time or energy, I don't force it.Recently, I pushed back from over commitment and over scheduling. You should try it.You won't regret it.
4. Plan a Girl's Nite out/Couple's Nite Out. We need to make us a priority. That means go out and laugh and dance.The best advice I have ever gotten was from an older mother. She said" If you don't take care of you then who will?"
I am Charlotte Williams-Jackson! I am a stay-at-home wife/mother with four great children ranging from ages 19 to 9 years old and an awesome hubby.
I write a blog called Life with Charlotte! I talk about the mistakes and failures I have endured and incorporate that into practical everyday parenting.
Website: http://www.lifewithchar.com/
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Escaping-My-Life&id=6561219] Escaping My Life
Sunday, January 1, 2012
College and Motherhood - A Contribution
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Dee_Waltz]Dee Waltz
In January of 2000, at the age of 36 and with 5 children still in my home, I started college. I did not go back to college, I started. I was probably old enough to be the mother of most of the students by that age. Still, I only felt that old when I discovered that one of my professors was younger than I was.
In December of 1999, I suddenly realized that I still had not done anything in my life worthy of notice. It was not that what I was doing wasn't fulfilling. Just making important phone calls, amid the peals of a traumatized three-year-old and her six-year-old tormenting brother, is nothing insignificant. Neither is producing dinner while collaborating with a 4th grader about the value of analyzing fruit mold for a science project. There were times when I could even be proud of the look of defeat in my teen's eyes when I remind him that dinner together is still my favorite form of torture. Still there was nothing about designing barrettes or signing homework that I could truly believe would make a difference in society.
I have great kids. I have spent my life postponing my beloved dreams in contented pursuit of my children's better grades, wobbly milestones and class pictures. I'm proud to be a mother. If I worked full-time maybe we could have taken them to Disneyland sooner but making sure someone was there when they got home was important to me. So why worry about what I was contributing to society? At some point during that year I had discovered that as my children got older I would need to modify the methods of how I was helping them. I became keenly aware that my example would influence them, far more, than my declarations.
Graduating at 17, getting married, and then finding myself expecting two months later was a definite deterrent to going to college at first. After that, it was a matter of either being with child or carrying one on my hip that seemed to keep me out. I always believed, like any good mother, that if I sacrificed enough for my family someday there would be time for me. But that isn't the way it happens.
When a mother sacrifices everything she is, for her family's needs, she isn't doing them a favor. In essence, she is saying what all mother's hate the most, that she is "just a mom" and is a less valued member of family and society. On the other hand, when a mother seeks to attain a greater knowledge of herself, her world and her contribution in it, she sets the standard for her children's interpretation of the women in their own lives. If they are boys they will gain a healthier respect for what a woman can accomplish, be it mother or sister or wife. If they are girls they can find, in her, the self-esteem to better prepare for their own future goals. A mother's struggle to balance an education with her family life and budget is a small price to pay for such a legacy.
Things changed that year for me. My oldest teenage daughter redressed me to fit into college, filling my closet with bell bottom jeans (Gads, have they really come back?!). My son asked me not to hang around him in stores with my new look because he said that girls thought I was his girlfriend (Bless you my son!). My daughter said it was just too weird that all of my friends were her age. Two of my youngest thought I was, "way cool" because I had a pool at my school and we all rolled our eyes when we said the word homework. My three-year-old even assumed the role of taskmaster and, putting her hands on her hips, would demand if I had finished my homework. (What's worse was when I had to admit when I hadn't!).
The biggest change was in the impact it made on my children. I was the first generation to attend college in my family. Eleven years later, my oldest boy is attending college for his business degree, my middle daughter just started college, my youngest son is making plans to attend college (he's a senior this year) and my youngest is talking about her college plans as she starts her freshman year of high school.
The year I started college, in my third semester, my oldest daughter ran away two months before her high school graduation. Fortunately, she came home on her own. She told me that she came back because she thought that if I could make the Dean's list that semester she could at least graduate. She did graduate, with a 3.6., and now 11 years later, she is working on her Bachelor degree while going to work full-time and taking care of her 2 boys. And that's what I was contributing to society...I could never have lectured her into doing that.
About The Author
Dee is the mother of 5 (ages 14-30), grandmother of 4, foster parent, Adoption Advisor, and Parenting Instructor with a little advice and humor to share. She invites you to share thoughts and stories of her family by visiting her blog, [http://laughingatthestorms.blogspot.com/]Laughing At The Storms.
(c) Copyright - R. Dee Waltz Shihady. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?College-and-Motherhood---A-Contribution&id=6563477] College and Motherhood - A Contribution
In January of 2000, at the age of 36 and with 5 children still in my home, I started college. I did not go back to college, I started. I was probably old enough to be the mother of most of the students by that age. Still, I only felt that old when I discovered that one of my professors was younger than I was.
In December of 1999, I suddenly realized that I still had not done anything in my life worthy of notice. It was not that what I was doing wasn't fulfilling. Just making important phone calls, amid the peals of a traumatized three-year-old and her six-year-old tormenting brother, is nothing insignificant. Neither is producing dinner while collaborating with a 4th grader about the value of analyzing fruit mold for a science project. There were times when I could even be proud of the look of defeat in my teen's eyes when I remind him that dinner together is still my favorite form of torture. Still there was nothing about designing barrettes or signing homework that I could truly believe would make a difference in society.
I have great kids. I have spent my life postponing my beloved dreams in contented pursuit of my children's better grades, wobbly milestones and class pictures. I'm proud to be a mother. If I worked full-time maybe we could have taken them to Disneyland sooner but making sure someone was there when they got home was important to me. So why worry about what I was contributing to society? At some point during that year I had discovered that as my children got older I would need to modify the methods of how I was helping them. I became keenly aware that my example would influence them, far more, than my declarations.
Graduating at 17, getting married, and then finding myself expecting two months later was a definite deterrent to going to college at first. After that, it was a matter of either being with child or carrying one on my hip that seemed to keep me out. I always believed, like any good mother, that if I sacrificed enough for my family someday there would be time for me. But that isn't the way it happens.
When a mother sacrifices everything she is, for her family's needs, she isn't doing them a favor. In essence, she is saying what all mother's hate the most, that she is "just a mom" and is a less valued member of family and society. On the other hand, when a mother seeks to attain a greater knowledge of herself, her world and her contribution in it, she sets the standard for her children's interpretation of the women in their own lives. If they are boys they will gain a healthier respect for what a woman can accomplish, be it mother or sister or wife. If they are girls they can find, in her, the self-esteem to better prepare for their own future goals. A mother's struggle to balance an education with her family life and budget is a small price to pay for such a legacy.
Things changed that year for me. My oldest teenage daughter redressed me to fit into college, filling my closet with bell bottom jeans (Gads, have they really come back?!). My son asked me not to hang around him in stores with my new look because he said that girls thought I was his girlfriend (Bless you my son!). My daughter said it was just too weird that all of my friends were her age. Two of my youngest thought I was, "way cool" because I had a pool at my school and we all rolled our eyes when we said the word homework. My three-year-old even assumed the role of taskmaster and, putting her hands on her hips, would demand if I had finished my homework. (What's worse was when I had to admit when I hadn't!).
The biggest change was in the impact it made on my children. I was the first generation to attend college in my family. Eleven years later, my oldest boy is attending college for his business degree, my middle daughter just started college, my youngest son is making plans to attend college (he's a senior this year) and my youngest is talking about her college plans as she starts her freshman year of high school.
The year I started college, in my third semester, my oldest daughter ran away two months before her high school graduation. Fortunately, she came home on her own. She told me that she came back because she thought that if I could make the Dean's list that semester she could at least graduate. She did graduate, with a 3.6., and now 11 years later, she is working on her Bachelor degree while going to work full-time and taking care of her 2 boys. And that's what I was contributing to society...I could never have lectured her into doing that.
About The Author
Dee is the mother of 5 (ages 14-30), grandmother of 4, foster parent, Adoption Advisor, and Parenting Instructor with a little advice and humor to share. She invites you to share thoughts and stories of her family by visiting her blog, [http://laughingatthestorms.blogspot.com/]Laughing At The Storms.
(c) Copyright - R. Dee Waltz Shihady. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?College-and-Motherhood---A-Contribution&id=6563477] College and Motherhood - A Contribution
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