A Mom's Mid-School Year

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Mary_Grace_Ramos_Espiel]Mary Grace Ramos Espiel
It's been three months since I went back to 'school', and it is now the middle of my school year. Like usual teacher-student relationships, my teacher and I are done with the getting-to-know you stage (at least for this stage of his life). I already know which cry means he's hungry, which one means he's sleepy and which one means he simply wants to breathe some fresh air outside the house. I would like to think he already knows me as well. I think he's able to notice if I'm happy as he also gets excited and cheerful when I am. And when I'm sad, he gives me that extra warm smile while he touches my face as if saying, "Don't be sad Mommy. I'm here." Surprisingly, that kind of, takes away the sadness.
I was right when I said I would learn a lot from my new teacher. I'm only halfway through my SY and yet, I have already learned valuable lessons from him.
The first lesson he taught me was acceptance. When the school year was just starting, I would often have thoughts like, "If I were at work, I would already be in my HR....If I were there, I would be meeting my club students...If I have work, I would be able to buy him lots of stuff". It was like that for some time. I admit it was hard to let go. After all, that's how my life was for three years.
Spending time with my baby made me realize that where I am right now is where I should be at this moment, that what I'm doing right now is exactly what God has planned for me. I have freely accepted that now, our daily routine would include our early morning playing, his favorite- taking a bath, reading him a book, singing (we're now starting to have 'duets')and watching TV. My day would end with putting him to sleep while singing him a lullaby.
Acceptance is a big step for me. I look forward to the day when it won't hurt anymore every time I remember what happened.
I still have my "if" thoughts. But now, they would include thoughts like "If I were at work, I wouldn't be the first one to see him roll over...If I were leaving early for work everyday, I wouldn't be able to see him smile when I greet him 'good morning'...I would have missed his first time to eat solids (he likes squash more than potatoes). if I were at work, I would not be able to give him what he needs the most at the moment-me".
My baby also taught me something about appreciation. I have learned to appreciate not only unexpected things but also those which seem unfortunate at first. I never expected I would stop working after giving birth. This is why to find myself jobless was an unpleasant situation for me. I would always remember how, what could have been my lifetime job, was taken away from me. I was in a rush to find work after giving birth. There were jobs that I could have taken. Every time I applied for a job, I would ask God for a sign that would tell me that this is the job for me. I searched and searched for work, but none of the jobs that I applied for seems to be it. Could I have missed the sign? In one of my prayers, I simply searched inside my heart. There, I find the sign I was looking for. No job would be good enough for me because deep in my heart, I know I want to spend more time with my baby. And that's when I learned to appreciate the fact that God actually gave me a choice. Thinking about it, I know that if I still had my previous job, I would definitely go back to work right after my ML. But I was given that choice to stay with my baby longer-a choice that not all moms are given.
Now, I appreciate each day that I spend with my baby. I appreciate that I am not really 'jobless'. God has after all, given me a handful to take care of-my family. I am even grateful that God has used my love for writing to keep me busier. I now work online, and I am also revising a book. I just feel so blessed that I can work at my own pace. I love the fact that I can get off the computer once in a while to breastfeed.
My school days are indeed getting more and more exciting. As someone who just went back to school, I look forward to more lessons my child would give me.
Mary Grace Ramos-Espiel
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?A-Moms-Mid-School-Year&id=6662900] A Mom's Mid-School Year