Ways to Avoid the Problem Mother-In-Law Trap

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Susan_Leigh]Susan Leigh
When we first meet our boyfriend or girlfriend's family we are often on our best behaviour, nervous and keen to please, wanting to demonstrate how good, kind and caring we are. Often we will work hard to create a good impression, smile and tolerate all manner of situations because we love our new partner and want everything to go well.
When the relationship becomes more permanent we may rue the day we were so compliant and accommodating. All those little foibles and ways that their mother has are now going to become a more regular feature of our lives.
Let's look at some ways to avoid the problem mother-in-law trap:
- Start the marriage as you mean to go on. If you agree to go every Sunday to their house for lunch and then suddenly decide that you don't want to go anymore it can appear a little awkward or difficult. Start by deciding what you feel will be acceptable as a longterm commitment. Discuss and agree what is a reasonable arrangement with your partner in advance. Remember, not everything has to be done as a couple.
- Be tolerant. There are bound to be things about your family that are less than appealing to your partner. Give and take has to apply in many situations once a couple commit to living together. There can be an awareness of the commitments that are less pleasant but have to be done out of duty, as part of being in a loving relationship. Compromise helps to oil the wheels and show respect for each other's family.
- Give your mother-in-law space to show herself as she is. If she is being unreasonable, smile and say nothing. Remember that if someone criticizes our family we will usually leap to their defence, but if other people say nothing we may be more inclined to criticize their behaviour ourselves.
- Present a united front with our partner, their son or daughter. If we discuss our partner's faults with our family, every time they meet those criticisms are going to be in everyone's mind. Try to be circumspect with revealing the detail of arguments and problems. You may get over them quickly, but other people, especially mothers, often keep those comments in mind.
- Pick your rows. Some things are not worth falling out over. Gain a few gold marks by agreeing to do some things that matter to the mother-in-law. A little effort may succeed in winning her onside and it may be a worthwhile gesture in the longterm.
- Is she really so bad? It is very rare that one person is bad and another good in a disagreement. Often problems occur because two people have different ways of looking at a situation. Consider things from her perspective and try to appreciate how she may feel about what is happening. The insights may help to understand her point of view a little better.
We marry our partner but their family are often part of the package. It can be a sensible move to spend a little time nurturing the relationship with our mother-in-law. She often has the potential to be a friend or important ally throughout the marriage. Going out for an occasional lunch or inviting her round for coffee can be time usefully invested for the future of the relationship.
Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.
Further help, advice and articles are available.
For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Ways-to-Avoid-the-Problem-Mother-In-Law-Trap&id=6555764] Ways to Avoid the Problem Mother-In-Law Trap